even before birth this child was so stubborn. she wouldn’t turn and i ened up with a hospital birth which was not how i pictured things. from about a year old she stopped letting me choose her clothes… there went dressing up my real life baby doll, and on and on….so as parents trying to survive, we spin it and call her determined. many times i reminded myself that one day that determination would serve her well.
and i’ve watched with admiration how she’s stayed focused and determined when that day has come again and again …i’ve had a lot of good things happen to me but she has been better than i could have ever expected. we still have so many nights where we laugh about the dumbest stuff until our stomachs hurt.
my one and only starts school at the new york conservatory for dramatic arts sept 8. and while i’m so excited for her, so proud, so happy—the vastness of this transition for me looms. her next chapter has a starting point. mine is feeling slightly blank.
to move outside of the box, and sometimes against the bigger current is not always the easiest path. i know this well. but i also don’t know any other way to live but to follow your heart no matter what, and i hope that’s true for her too.
as as she and i stand looking at this clearly defined liminal space, i realize that it’s always liminal space, just maybe not so clear. every day there’s a million little deaths and rebirths, this cycle of samsara reflected back to us in so many ways.
my soul sister reminded me recently, “this all ends and we don’t know when”. and she’s so right. so get up and walk through the fire. that thing your heart is telling you to do—do it. take the first step. you’re here. you might as well try.
